Introduction
When it comes to intimacy in relationships, there’s often a lot of pressure to be “perfect.” Whether you’re trying to impress a new partner or maintain the spark in a long-term relationship, many wonder how they measure up in the bedroom. However, experts agree that being great in bed isn’t about performance or achieving unrealistic standards — it’s about connection, communication, and attentiveness to your partner’s needs.
In this blog, we’ll explore 10 signs that you’re great in bed according to sex and relationship experts. These are not just technical skills, but emotional, psychological, and interpersonal indicators that help create a fulfilling sexual experience for both partners.
1. Emotional Safety is Your Priority
Why it matters: A strong sexual connection begins with emotional security. If you and your partner feel comfortable and emotionally safe, you are more likely to explore your sexual relationship with confidence. Emotional safety is essential in allowing vulnerability and intimacy to grow.
Expert Insight: Dr. Laura Berman, a renowned sex therapist, explains, “When couples feel emotionally safe, they can communicate openly about desires, boundaries, and pleasures without fear of judgment.”
How you’re doing it: If you and your partner can talk openly about your likes, dislikes, and experiences without fear of rejection, that’s a clear sign you’re cultivating emotional safety. Intimacy isn’t just about physical closeness; it’s about sharing your true selves.
2. You’re an Active Listener in Bed
Why it matters: Communication is key, but it’s not just about what you say—it’s about how you listen. Active listening involves not only hearing your partner’s words but also understanding their body language and non-verbal cues.
Expert Insight: “Great sex often starts with great listening,” says Dr. Emily Nagoski, a sexual wellness expert. “Paying attention to your partner’s verbal and non-verbal signals can help create an atmosphere of mutual pleasure.”
How you’re doing it: If you notice your partner’s body language (such as the way they breathe, move, or make eye contact), and can adjust to their needs accordingly, you’re already a step ahead. Being attuned to your partner’s comfort level, pleasure, and emotional state shows deep care and consideration.
3. You’re Curious and Willing to Explore
Why it matters: Sexual relationships thrive when both partners are curious and open to discovering new things together. Whether it’s trying a new position, exploring different types of touch, or discussing fantasies, curiosity ensures that the relationship doesn’t become stagnant.
Expert Insight: “Curiosity in the bedroom promotes emotional intimacy,” says Dr. Alexandra Solomon, a psychologist specializing in relationships. “It means you are open to learning more about your partner’s evolving needs and desires.”
How you’re doing it: If you regularly check in with your partner about their desires or if you’re comfortable with trying new things to keep the experience fresh, you’re showing that you’re both engaged and invested in the relationship.
4. You Understand the Importance of Foreplay
Why it matters: Foreplay is often seen as the appetizer before the main course, but for many, it’s the most important part of the meal. Experts agree that foreplay is crucial for building anticipation, increasing arousal, and ensuring both partners are fully engaged in the experience.
Expert Insight: Dr. Berman notes that “Many people rush through foreplay and miss out on the opportunity to build deeper emotional and physical connections. Foreplay isn’t just about touching; it’s about engaging the mind, body, and heart.”
How you’re doing it: If you take the time to explore each other’s bodies, whisper sweet things, or engage in playful touches before jumping straight into intercourse, you’re creating the kind of intimacy that enhances pleasure and connection.
5. You’re Adaptable and Willing to Laugh Off Awkward Moments
Why it matters: Sometimes, things don’t go as planned — and that’s perfectly okay! The ability to laugh off awkward or unexpected moments shows emotional maturity and a sense of humor. Great sex is not about perfection; it’s about how well you handle imperfections.
Expert Insight: Dr. Solomon emphasizes, “Sex is a vulnerable act, and it’s important to not take yourself too seriously. A relaxed attitude and a sense of humor are key to enjoying the experience.”
How you’re doing it: If you can both laugh at silly situations, such as minor physical mishaps or moments of awkwardness, it shows that you’re comfortable with each other and not overly focused on perfection.
6. You Prioritize Your Partner’s Pleasure
Why it matters: Great lovers don’t just focus on their own satisfaction—they’re equally concerned with their partner’s pleasure. It’s about balance and ensuring that both people feel valued, respected, and cared for.
Expert Insight: According to Dr. Justin Lehmiller, a sex researcher, “People who are focused on their partner’s pleasure are often seen as better lovers. It shows that you’re willing to give and not just receive.”
How you’re doing it: If you’re willing to adjust your actions based on what pleases your partner — whether it’s taking the time to engage in prolonged foreplay, trying new positions, or being mindful of their comfort level — you’re showing deep attentiveness to their pleasure.
7. You Are Open About Your Desires and Boundaries
Why it matters: Being open about what you want and what you’re not comfortable with is a key aspect of a healthy sexual relationship. Transparency fosters trust and ensures that both partners are on the same page.
Expert Insight: Dr. Nagoski notes, “Open communication about boundaries and desires is essential for a fulfilling sexual experience. It makes both partners feel safe and respected.”
How you’re doing it: If you can openly express what you like and don’t like, and are willing to listen to your partner’s needs as well, you’re fostering an atmosphere of trust and respect.
8. You’re Receptive to Feedback
Why it matters: Constructive feedback is a tool for growth. If you’re willing to accept feedback without defensiveness, it shows maturity and a willingness to improve your relationship.
Expert Insight: “Great lovers are those who welcome feedback and use it to deepen their connection,” explains Dr. Laurie Mintz, a psychologist and sex educator. “It’s an indication that you care about your partner’s needs and are willing to adjust for mutual satisfaction.”
How you’re doing it: If your partner shares feedback (whether it’s about comfort, pleasure, or preferences), and you can respond positively and adjust, it shows that you’re committed to making the experience enjoyable for both of you.
9. You Keep Things Fun and Spontaneous
Why it matters: When a sexual relationship feels predictable, it can lose its excitement. Keeping things fun and spontaneous helps reignite passion and keeps the connection fresh.
Expert Insight: Dr. Berman suggests, “Spontaneity is a key to keeping the spark alive. Whether it’s a surprise kiss, a spontaneous date night, or a random expression of affection, these small surprises go a long way.”
How you’re doing it: If you’re open to surprise acts of intimacy or suggest new ways to connect, you’re keeping the excitement alive in your relationship. Spontaneity shows that you’re still invested in keeping things fun and fresh.
10. Mutual Desire and Intimacy
Why it matters: The strongest sexual relationships are based on mutual desire and respect. When both partners actively want to connect with each other, intimacy becomes a natural and enjoyable part of the relationship.
Expert Insight: “When both people are equally invested in the sexual connection, it creates a dynamic of shared responsibility and enjoyment,” says Dr. Solomon. “This mutual desire is essential for long-term satisfaction.”
How you’re doing it: If you and your partner both initiate and look forward to intimacy with eagerness and enthusiasm, you’re fostering a mutual desire that fuels a healthy, lasting connection.